I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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