I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
