At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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