TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
