He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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