I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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