well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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