I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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