Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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