I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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