i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Mom said you looked used
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
