Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
