Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
