Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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