Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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