what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
