I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
