I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't turn off my feet"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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