??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
