What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
