It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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