Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize