does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
