Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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