apparently the secret to your success is patron
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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