How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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