i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
