yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
