You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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