from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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