i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
