I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
