the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
