Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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