ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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