He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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