i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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