At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
