Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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