I like my sex mixed with concussions.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
