Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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