'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
