There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
