Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
