he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
