I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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