im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
