He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
two words...techno handjob
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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