We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
