just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
