I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
