Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
