my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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