I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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