I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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