I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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