I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
