My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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