Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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