Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
