You smell like a Billy Joel song
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
