I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
