I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
