Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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