what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize