Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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