i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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