I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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