i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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